I am not a witch

30/07/2008 by April First.

At 9am The Deputy Head politely asked us to meet in his office after school. I said I couldn’t as I was going dancing.

At 11am he asked Deborah to meet him in his room but Deborah said that if the issue was cashless catering everyone needed to be there, as she as spokeswoman had not yet had the chance to be fully briefed by the membership. Mrs Marchmount started to speak but stopped when I trod on her.

At 1pm the Deputy Head said he would have the meeting now, in our office, with all of us, but Janice announced she was off for lunch, and Deborah suggested that given the meeting could have been held at any time during the morning it should not now be held at a time when we were not all going to be there, and to do so was disrespectful.

At 2pm the bursar came in and asked why we were slipping so far behind with our work. I told him someone had let a mechanical dog loose in the office.

At 3pm the Deputy Head walked into the office, closed the door and said, “Right – now we talk.” The phone rang. He ordered us to ignore it. I offered to leave the room on the grounds that I believed in witchcraft.

“I think there is a widespread belief in the power that witchcraft exerts in this town,” I announced pompously. There was a general nodding of heads. The Deputy Head left.

At 3.30 the Deputy Head returned. We talked and within minutes reached an agreement. We would immediately start processing the dinner money taken at the end of term once again in return for direct involvement in committees discussing all future issues that did or might concern us. Cashless catering, it turns out, was not – and in fact had never been - an option for the school. I asked why we had had three men and a woman wandering around the school discussing it, but there was no answer.

The Times Educational Supplement on line has reported that the fraud squad had taken over the school.

As I was leaving I took a call from Warlock World who asked if they could speak to the auditors.

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