Which office would you like to step into?

26/07/2008 by April First.

The deputy head took two paces into the office and instructed us to bring the dinner money accounts up to date.   Deborah said we couldn’t as the school was now involved in cashless catering and anyway according to the Schools Financial Management Standards it was now time to start the half-year audit.

The deputy head accused us of behaving like spoilt children.  “An interesting method of negotiating,” Deborah told him, and then said nothing more.  

Blinky Allthorpe came in and complained that we had run out of honey.  I told her that the school was on summer holiday and that it was just admin who were in.  She said, “oh,” giggled, turned round and then said, “but we are still out of honey.”

Eventually the deputy head said, “Step into my office.” 

Deborah said, “Step into this office.”  She is getting quite amusingly difficult, in my opinion.

“I will not hold this debate in public,” said the Deputy Head.   

“Then get the public out of this office so we can work more effectively,” said Deborah. 

“Fzcheknbzx,” said the deputy head.   

“We can discuss this again when you are more composed,” said Deborah. 

Later the bursar appeared.  “According to the internet,” he said, “aibohphobia is a fear of mechanical dogs.” 

The deputy head re-appeared while Deborah was trying to trace the pizza delivery drivers who had vanished with the dentists when the head’s study was evacuated.   According to Janice Deborah had been having what we administrators delicately call a big “thing” with one of them, and then the other. 

In Deborah’s absence the deputy head approached me.  I obviously have the look of an undercover negotiator and felt deeply pleased that he treated me in this serious fashion.  He asked me why we were really so worried about cashless catering.

“It is,” I told him, “the work of wizards.”

He gave me a strange look and walked out.  At least it is Saturday tomorrow.

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