I have decided – as part of my New Life I am going to have a Hobby. A New Hobby to go with my New Personality. And my New Hat. In my New Hobby I do exciting things, go to exciting places, wear Exciting Hats and thus have an Exciting Life that involves more than going to the pub with everyone else on a Saturday night to join in the quiz.

Mrs Marchmount spent the whole day with a strange look on her face. We gathered that she had been on another date last night (she really seems to have thrown herself into internet dating in a big way) but refused to reveal any details.

At break Havoc-Blythe strolled in, in that infuriating way that he has, and told us that we might like to take a peak in at the staff room. Janice and I obliged but Mrs Marchmount chose to stay where she was, gazing into the middle distance.

We could hear the noise from along the corridor, and upon arrival found the place in turmoil with what can only be described as a standoff happening. Teachers were gathered in small groups, there was a lot of pointing, turning of backs, and considerable amounts of shouting.

At the heart of the problem was a contingent of maths teachers who had moved away from their position at the far end of the room and instead were occupying chairs normally taken by Modern Languages. Mrs Handright was standing about 3 inches from Binky and shouting at her.

I have to say that the Binky I knew at the start of term would have collapsed in a heap, tears rolling from her eyes. But the extent of the change that has come over her since Havoc-Blythe talked to her about right brain technique has been extraordinary, and she simply stood there looking at Mrs Handright, her face set in a calm but determined way. When Mrs Handright paused for breath Binky said, “so that’s what you think is it?” Mrs Handright looked at her in astonishment, lost for words. Binky said, “Thanks for letting me know,” and sat down again in the chair that has, since the building of the school, been reserved for the head of modern languages. Janice cheered, which got us some dirty looks, and we went back to work.

Two work experience students who we had not seen before walked into the office and said that they were here. I told them I knew they were here. They asked me how I knew, and I said I could see them. They asked what they should do, and I told them they should see Personnel. They asked where Personnel was and I pointed to Janice at the next table. She took their names and entered the cyberspace world of personal secrets. Three minutes later she told them that the school had no work for them and sent them away.

I said I thought that was a bit harsh.

“Those two,” said Janice, “you do not want in this school. Even we couldn’t handle them.”

The Head of Sport (whose three names I can’t remember) asked me out for a meal. I must admit to finding him quite interesting, but I can’t accept since I wouldn’t know what to call him.

On the way home I went shopping for my new hat. Eventually chose a cap that looks vaguely French. Also bought a highly colourful scarf. Talked to the man in the “not off the back of a lorry honest” shop and discovered that Peter Gabrielle played with Genesis, and Brian Eno was with Roxy Music. Bought CDs by each band at 50p each, which seemed quite reasonable for genuinely non-nicked stock and helped develop my image as a personal who does Unusual Things.

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