3 heads of state in one department!

Total shock. Mrs Marchmount has announced that she has left her husband and is getting a divorce. We expressed dismay, but she insisted it was a time for celebration and “a start of a new vibrant endemification of life”.

I must admit I have come to like our head of office in recent weeks.  The way she stood up for me when Mr Berlusconi alternatively expressed his undying love for me and then sacked me, was unexpected and delightful.  And she has revealed herself recently to be not without a sense of mischief.   I just wonder where this new approach to life is going to take her.

02 sent me an email saying that they had no record of me as a customer, and had no idea why I had been sent a phone with all the trimmings.  Looking at it I perceive it to be an LG phone, and I checked with Havoc Blythe if this was good or not.   Apparently LG stands for Lucky Goldstar, which is apparently a really good name in Hong Kong but sounds seriously naff here – so LG it is.   O2 asked me to give them full details of the delivery note, but I felt I really had too much work to do, and so didn’t.  With no money leaving any of my accounts I think I’ve come out of this one on top.

I was delegated to enquire about cashless catering. The general view in the canteen was that if it involved some sort of change to their department they would, by definition, be the last to know. The menu for the day included Grenouilles. A notice to one side announced that “excessive eating of this dish can cause illness.”

Not one error in the registers so far this week, and I am starting to miss fighting teachers.  There must be something they are doing wrong.

Now that Janice has finished her analysis of the Personnel Files I asked her to give me example of what she had found.  

“The head of sport,” she said.

“Whose name we can never remember?” I enquired.

“Quite so.  We can’t remember his name because he doesn’t have one.”

“That’s impossible,” I announced, breaking my own rule for not stating the obvious.

“Not in this case.   The Head of Sport does not have a name, he has three names.  He is, for the purpose of this school Andy Rasmussen.  He is also on the books of Grimspound School as Jan Eliasson.   And at  Fisherbrook he is Mr Halonen.   He collects a full salary at each one.”

“But he spends his time here,” I protested.

“I am not sure about that.  He’s co-ordinated his timetable across the schools, and is forever out with teams and running tournaments.   He’s on triple salary.”

“And he never tells us his name…”

“Because he can’t remember what school he’s in.   But I’ll tell you where he has slipped up – he always chooses names of the presidents of Nordic countries.”

“How bizarre,” I said.  “Still, the drinks are on him, now that we know.”

“Not that we would blackmail him, or report him to the authorities,” said Janice.

“Of course,” I agreed, “but we are in charge of Personnel, and some things cannot go unquestioned.”

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