My brain gets super-charged thanks to new technique

09/06/2008 by April First.

Saturday

Was interrupted in my morning cogitations by the arrival of Dr Havoc-Blythe mid-morning. Having left the book of excuses at school I had no idea what to say to him except “no you damn well can’t come in.” He claimed he was being pursued by an elderly lady who was under the impression he was her GP. I still wouldn’t let him in so he asked if he could hide in my shrubbery. In a moment of weakness I agreed.

Went to the market with Janice, bought two more Peter Gabrielle albums, and a book called “How to use the right side of your brain and become an intellectual in 15 minutes.”

Read my new book and played my new albums. The book suggests that often we know the answer to a problem, but then believe we don’t know it – because the two sides of our brains come into conflict. Right brain says, “I know this.” Left brain says, “No you don’t and spurts out, “I don’t know,” leaving the right brain a bit miffed.

Seemed reasonable to me. I shall use the approach.

In mid-afternoon I took Havoc Blythe a cup of tea, and found him sitting cross legged, thumb tips touching third fingertips, eyes closed, deep in meditation. Decided it was best not to disturb his trance like state – he looked so peaceful. Left the tea by his side.

Two estate agents came round and asked if their clients could register to live in my broom cupboard in order to be in the correct postcode for the new dental surgery. We agreed a price. One of them invited me out for a meal. I declined.

Went back later but he had gone. Went to pub with usual gang.

Sunday

Unexpected success with the development of my intellectual approach to life. Last night in the pub quiz, Sara asked, “what new architectural movement was symbolised by the destruction of a series of high rise public housing projects in Chicago in the 1950s?” Before my left brain could get a word in, I allowed my right brain to shout, “post-modernism” and to my total amazement it turned out to be right. To rub in the point I added, “They play Peter Gabrielle in the Latvian dental surgery that I attend and I believe that is a perfect example of the post-modern.” I think that was my left brain getting its own back by shouting out a meaningless phrase, but it certainly impressed. This war of the brains is good.

Havoc Blythe tried to regain his normal position of intellectual dominance by launching a vigorous debate as to whether such a situation wasn’t more surreal than post-modern but I am sure no one was interested and that from that point on everyone looked at me in a new way.

Havoc-Blythe seemed none the worse for his activities yesterday but there was a curious note on my car windscreen warning me about the dangers of the uncontrolled influx of families from Dorking.

Checked on the map. I don’t live near Dorking. Is it a secret message from Havoc-Blythe or a new, unexpected development in my life?

Lot of stuff on TV and radio, and in the press, on maths and how people go around claiming to be bad at maths and thinking there is something good about being bad. Apparently some people can’t do maths at all, just like some people can’t learn to spell. I think we have a couple of people in the office who are like this. They do the accounts.

I, meanwhile can do anything, thanks to my right brain.

Just as I was about to fall asleep in the armchair (a bad habit, I must stop doing that) I realised that Janice and HB had left the pub simultaneously – the second time I’ve suspected something odd going on.

Janice and Havoc-Blythe? Even I, with my super-charged right brain, can’t imagine that.

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