Ms First shows a reluctance to perform requested tasks

31/05/2008 by April First.

Half term, part 2.

Wednesday afternoon Janice rushed round in a panic. Apparently Dr Havoc-Blythe (what is she doing meeting him out of school??????) had let slip that the senior management are maintaining running commentaries on all staff – including those of us in the office – and everyone at the “top table” as Havoc-Blythe calls it – can just go on line and add their comments.

I asked how HB knew about this – after all if anyone is NOT “top table” it is him. Janice called him, and he said he’d willingly come round and explain – but not on the phone. Much as I was reluctant to let the doctor back into my house, I agreed.

He came round on Thursday, and showed us how to log onto what he called the “forbidden zone”, and suggested he had found his way in while “footling about on-line”. What kind of word is “footling”?

But we went on line and there it was. Each one of us had our own section. Mine said

Ms First continues to show a reluctance to perform the requested tasks, and has resorted to quoting from the so-called “Book of Administrative Excuses”. When she does deign to do the jobs asked for the work she produces is of a high standard and sometimes even accurate. However she seems more interested in disrupting the work of the school than in working on our behalf. She is suspected of being behind the theft of the letter W from the school’s computer keyboards, and is clearly under the influence of Janice France.

I was so shocked I was forced to open a bottle of red plonk and take a swig.

The summary for Janice was even worse:

Ms France excels in simple addition and multiplication, however it is hard to see what else she contributes to the school. In terms of creating diversions she has an almost precocious in this subject which feeds incessantly on her over-active imagination.

Havoc-Blythe was ready to stop at that point, and warned us against being inside the system for too long, in case our intrusion was noted. But we forced him to let us see the entry for Mrs Marchmout.

Doris is always keen to share her views but cannot be relied upon to listen to the views of others. Most of her opinions appear to originate from somewhere around 1730 and as such do nothing to further the development of ourselves as a forward looking and progressive school. She has artistic abilities which would perhaps be appreciated if they did not impinge on the more important areas of her work.

Havoc Blythe ended the connection adding a sinister, “Don’t tell the authorities I was here.”

We looked at each other. “Artistic abilities?” shrieked Janice. “Doris?” I replied.

Havoc Blythe, inevitably outstayed his welcome, joining us for drinks of recovery, and detailed discussion. We pushed him to reveal more, but he claimed it would not be safe to use my broadband connection again. He suggested we meet again at Janice’s house at the weekend…

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