Outbreak of dancing pianos causing concern

Spent much of the morning trying to get through to my dentist, only to find that she is no longer my dentist, as apparently I missed the last check up. I asked about private treatment but apparently they are full up on that score as well.

At 9.30 the management called a meeting of all staff and told us our local authority had been taken over by a private contractor called Columbus. They said that this would result in some changes, but they had been assured that all staff affected would be dealt with humanely. Blinky asked if we would get pay rises.

25 Latvian children turned up at school, complete with parents. None of the ensemble speaks any English beyond the one word “Starbright”. Mrs Marchmont told the deputy head, but his view was that since these children are not registered with us it is clearly an admin matter and thus he expected us to handle the affair. Janice glanced at The Book and said that she would love to help but she had to go home because of an outbreak of dancing pianos in the street next to hers.

However Janice didn’t leave: she phoned the Local Authority, which used to be the Local Education Authority but which changed its name to plain LA when the government office changed its name to the DfCSF – the Department for Cushions and Soft Furnishings. The director’s office admitted that they knew about the children and felt sure they had written to the school to tell us about our new arrivals. Janice pointed out that the school was full, but the authority’s view was that they had every faith in us and were sure we would do our best, and besides they were no longer in power and all questions should be referred to Columbus – whose phone number unfortunately they did not have. I offered to lend them my book of Admin Excuses, but they said they had their own

Found four spiders sitting on my keyboard upon my return from lunch but no letter Ws to give them. Gave them a sandwich. Toothache worse.

Two teachers peered in, but left quickly. I wondered if Peter Gabrielle had written any songs about spiders. Decided to change my lifestyle totally, but not sure what to.

Did something odd happen to you today? Do let me know! April@admin.org.uk

You can read the diary from the beginning by clicking on April in the calendar section on the left - and then clicking on April 10 for the first entry.

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