Dr Havoc Blythe came in whistling “Oh you pretty things”. I said, “wrong album”, and he gave me the strangest look. I explained that I suspected he had finally realised that I named the office spider after David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars – but that “Oh you pretty things” was not on that album – it was on Hunky Dory. A strange twitch passed over his face and he left. I did not tell him about Peter Gabrielle, but it’s amazing how easy it is to slip a new bit of learning into a conversation in order to get the better of someone like Havoc Blythe.

At lunchtime a considerable crowd gathered for the “once a day” demonstration of the fax machine. Janice announced that fax machines were used for sending exact representations of pieces of paper (for example when a signature was needed), but had the drawback of having a range of only 25 miles. “Fortunately,” she said, “that’s enough to get us to County Hall.”

Mr Masamasam, our Bursar, asked me to send out a letter to suppliers stating that we would only be making payments by Bacs from now on, but fortunately the Book of Admin Excuses was on my desk at the time and I told him that following the theft of the letter W negative polarity had caused my computer to enter dipole reverse mode and everything was coming out backwards. I could, however (I explained), try using it south of the equator where (I suspected) everything would once again come out normal.

The effect of this exchange was only slightly diminished by Dr Havoc Blythe coming in part way through the conversation and telling Mr Masamasam that, “she gets it all from that book, you know.”

I said, “Administrators using books? Whatever next!” and I screwed up my nose at the Doctor in a way I learned to do when ten years old. Havoc-Blythe retaliated by telling me it made me look strangely charming and would I accompany him out for a meal that evening? I said I had to go to my fax-repairing night class, but maybe another time. We decided that round was a draw.

Janice found a letter W by the side of the fax machine and we gave it to the work experience students who seemed strangely pleased.

All members of the school senior management team went out to lunch and failed to return. A quiet day with no extraneous activity except that I got toothache. Lower left two or thereabouts, which is most tiresome.

Did something odd happen to you today? Do let me know! [1] April@admin.org.uk

You can read the diary from the beginning by clicking on April in the calendar section on the left - and then clicking on April 10 for the first entry.

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