The fax machine is ringing and paper’s coming out

21/05/2008 by April First.

The work experience students reported that they have found a frog in the photocopier feeding on half a dozen letters “w”.   We replaced them (the letters not the work experience students) in the machines, although I must say I was growing quite fond of q by the end of yesterday.  But I worry that the police are not taking the matter seriously.   There is, after all, still the issue of the toxic waste sign (now thoughtfully relabelled “toxic qaste”

Twenty eight staff off sick with electrosynthesis poisoning. 

The Bursar came into the office and told Janice she was not working hard enough.   Janice apologised, glanced down quickly, and said she was suffering a little following her botched attempt at assassinating the President of Bolivia.

Mid-afternoon Mr Lawrenson came into the office and asked what a fax was.  It seems he had been wanting to place an order with a company and they had told him to fax it.   I led him by the hand to the fax machine and slowly (as one might with a rather dim parent) put a school order form face down in the machine, dialled the number of the fax machine in the head’s PA’s personal and private office, and watched the paper go through. 

“So what’s the point of that?” asked Mr Lawrenson.  “Paper goes in one end and it comes out the other?  Is that supposed to be clever, or is it some kind of joke?”    He is the only person this side of my TV set who has ever said to me “is this some kind of a joke?”    I was about to explain when he walked out muttering things I preferred not to catch in case they were contagious.

Thirty seconds later, Connie Cleghorn, the Head’s PA rushed into the office, arms and legs simultaneously akimbo.  “Quick, quick” she shouted in a quick voice.  “Come into my office.  The fax machine is ringing and paper’s coming out.”

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